Finally back into the 'real' world...

After a long hiatus, courtesy of the folk at BT who never cease to strive for the best customer service (God knows what the worst one would be like!), I have had no internet connection until yesterday evening, three weeks after we originally requested it. Anyway, I will not go on and on about their stupidity because I am sure you'll catch my drift and because, quite frankly, they don't deserve any more attention or publicity (good or bad). Needless to say, I am well and truly chuffed and have found it hard to extricate myself from the screen for the past few hours other than going to the loo or making myself a few cups of tea. The truth is that the 'real' world seems to exist online these days: staying in touch with friends and family, researching about food, reading the papers and the list is endless. To do all of this without browsing the net would imply lots of time and money and it still wouldn't cover all of the angles and details that are available instantly at the click of a mouse. It might be a sad state of affairs but it is life as we know it and I make no excuses when I say that I feel like the life's been injected back into my veins.

I've been eagerly watching 'The Restaurant' on BBC2 which sadly ended last Wednesday. It is such a brilliant format, much like 'The Apprentice' but with food and instead of the fake-tough geezer Alan Sugar, a French luvvie super chef whose ridiculously thick accent after living in the UK for ages adds a little bit of an exotic flare to the mix. The editing is genius too and the way in which most of them get it monumentally wrong time and time again makes for top TV! I was chuffed about the fact that Russell and Michelle won as they were the ones who did consistently well throughout the series as opposed to James and Alistair who would show occasional signs of greatness but constant stupidity and lack of common sense so it was good riddance to them after all and now there is a huge void in my TV viewing schedule as Jamie's last odyssey is over too! I am left with meat-obsessed Hugh Fearnley-Wittingstall and his River Cottage (yawn) or ego-maniac Gordon Ramsay and his one million and a half simultaneous programs on every channel between new ones, repeats, interviews and annoying marketing stunts of which he is the undisputed king. Thank Goodness for the web and its wonderful food-laden wonders.

As for my own recent cooking incursions, here's a picture of my homemade squash and ricotta gnocchi that I made (unwittingly) on the 29th which is, to us Argies, traditionally gnocchi day. For a first attempt, I though I did myself quite proud...

Cheesed off and cut off...

This is going to be a brief entry as I find myself at a cafe with Wi-Fi where I have finally dragged my frustrated ass after realising that the ineptitude of BT knows no bounds! Not only did they fail to deliver our order for the home internet package but, much to our disbelief, such order was not even registered in the first place! And although we had spoken to them before and they had promised to track the problem down and contact us to let us know what was going on, needless to say this did not materialise and we only found the ridiculous truth after spending an hour on the phone being pushed from pillar to post between several incarnations of inefficiency squared...Anyway, I will upload some stuff I wrote at home next time I come as I've been baking and cooking a bit to keep me from going mental! (you might be wondered whether I've succeeded and to be honest, I am not so sure!) I'll be back from my state of 'incomunicado' soon...bear with me!

'Minister' Jamie and his utopian enterprise

Last Tuesday, and after much build-up and anticipation (I'd been crossing the days on the calendar like a prisoner), Mr Pukka Chef Extraordinnaire, Jamie Oliver, came back into our screens with his new 'revolutionary' idea, Jamie's Ministry of Food, whereby, he thought, a domino effect could be ignited in one town by teaching 8 people how to cook 10 simple recipes so that each of them would in turn teach two more and so on and so forth in order to ultimately achieve the 'delusional' goal of turning Rotherham (one of the most characteristically deprived British towns) into a foodie stronghold. Yes, you've guessed it...It was a recipe but for disaster! The concept should be very simple and relatively easy to implement, you would think...Well, think again! These people's complete and utter disregard for real food, their lack of knowledge and interest in their nourishment and their complete addiction to convenience and quick-fix artificial takeaways was, even for Jamie, quite shocking (and he is one of the most vocal critics of this country's food culture so he should be pretty much unshockable at this stage!).

He started out with Julie, the infamous lady who 'campaigned' against Jamie's school dinners by pushing burgers and chips through the railings at her son's school. Need I say more? As most of her fellow Brits, her idea of a good home-cooked meal was fatty meat and potatoes slathered in gravy. Oh Dear...But the irony was that, compared to his other 'Guinea pigs' Julie could be described as Cordon Bleu! The most heart wrenching story of them all was a young mum of 2 who had never, ever cooked a meal for her kids and survived on greasy takeaways that they would eat sitting on the floor with their bare hands. However, she defied the stereotype because from the outset and as soon as she laid her hands on real ingredients and got to grips with Jamie's foolproof recipe for spaghetti and meatballs, she showed such passion and determination to change her ways. Jamie couldn't hide his enthusiasm at what he considered a real 'breakthrough' a sort of Cinderella-like transformation. However, the TV crew left, the clock struck midnight and, true to Julie's prophecy, nobody could be bothered anymore (Cue Marcus Brigstocke's Corduroy Planet re British builders: Couldn't lift it, couldn't even fix it...we were getting nowhere...so we had a cup of tea! See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSZdb2buU_c) and were back on the crisps, kebabs and other similar pathetic excuses for filling the gap as quickly and cheaply as possible.

The Guardian focused on the underlying social commentary that Jamie unwittingly provided when faced with 'poverty' as the sole explanation for people's lack of interest in food. I beg to disagree. As Jamie himself pointed out, if it was simply down to deprivation , how can it be explained that the people in Soweto or in many other parts of Africa and the world, for that matter, eat remarkably better than the Brits? And needless to say, those people do not get Council housing or benefits or own flat-screen TVs! It's about the complete and utter distance that exists in this country between most people and real food in its natural form. It is the culture of convenience, confusing modernity and progress with artiificially 'enhanced' foods presented in shiny, attractive packaging to deviate from the fact that it is as far from real as it is possible to be. But at those prices and with the ever-tempting offer of minimal or no effort at all, who cares? Well, I do and luckily many others do as well but old habits die hard and no government guidelines are going to change people's mentalities overnight. The only alternative is for the new generations to replace the old, to rediscover a relationship with food as essential to wellbeing, happiness and health and to regard food preparation as a a joy and a necessity, much like having a shower and getting dressed but also as an everyday pleasure. And to realise that good, nutritious, healthy food does not have to take ages to make or cost an arm and a leg. Look at the Italians! They simply would never compromise on food! Feeding your kids rubbish in this age of information where everything carries nutritional data and where it is nearly impossible not to know what good food is, is an act of utter contempt. And how can people blame it on poverty when the money they spend on takeaways and chocolates is far higher than they could in a few fresh ingredients from which they could make healthy meals for their family for a whole week? It's time to stop making excuses and face the grim truth...Sod Cameron and Gordon Brown. I say: Jamie for PM and let the food revolution in Britain begin once and for all!